A few words of consolation for my close personal friend Ron DeSantis, who has ended his Presidential campaign

Ron, it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the dog in the fight of the size

“Don’t Stop Believin’

Hold onto that Feelin’

Streetlights. People.”

-Jacques Derrida

Remember Florida Governor Ron DeSantis? Just one year ago, when his political star was rising, New York Times columnist Pamela Paul wrote an entire essay about what liberals can learn from him [she mentioned his “knack for action,” specifically citing the times he involuntarily trafficked human beings in order to prove a political point, as well as his “maverick approach to primary, secondary and higher education,” (if I were to summarize that approach in a few words, it would be “ruining it”)].

Wow, crazy times, 2023. Nothing like today. We were all so young. Back then, some of our nation’s most gullible newsletter authors actually thought that Ron DeSantis was a force worth to be reckoned with. Get a load of this dummy!

I mean, in my defense, at least the headline was accurate.

You all, a year ago I was so convinced that 2024 would be the year of Ron DeSantis that I used actual moments of my wild and precious life to read his book. It was not good!

“She was dressed in classy golf attire and generating an impressive amount of clubhead speed.” Listen, I may not agree with the guy’s politics, but he sure does know how to make a reader swoon.

Sadly, we are far from those halcyon days. This week, Ron DeSantis officially announced that he is suspending his campaign for President. And while some assume that this means that liberals no longer have anything to learn from him, let us not forget the most important lesson of all: how to accept defeat gracefully.

Now, of course that quote was pilloried by the woke left! They just couldn’t help themselves, those wokesters, pointing out that Winston Churchill never said that, or that the line likely “came from a Budweiser ad” and also how, regardless of the quote’s origins, Ron DeSantis is currently NOT continuing with the pursuit that has animated his life up to this point, which, per his own message, means that he is not being courageous.

Fortunately, as longtime readers of this newsletter know, I am not a woke person (my proof? I have traveled to the state of Florida, the place where woke goes to die, and yet here I am!), so I’m standing proudly with Ron in his time of need.

Ron, don’t listen to the haters. Keep your head up. Your situation reminds me of the famous line from my favorite Gen-Z alt-pop superstar.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

-Olivia Rodrigo

Beautiful words. And she would know, since she routinely headlines arenas.

So don’t despair, my sweet, hateful, bad-at-governing, pheonomally-unconvincing-in-your-attempts-to-act-like-a-normal-human-being prince. Remember, as Mahatma Gandhi once said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” You may not get to be President, but as Rosa Parks prophetically intoned on the day that she signed the Emancipation Proclamation, that doesn’t mean you can’t keep on living, laughing and loving.

End notes:

I might have a longer piece coming later this week but perhaps not. I’m on deadline for a publication whose style guide encourages 85% fewer exclamation points than I use here, which is why I’m currently giving you the sweetest gift of all (a White Pages with fewer than 1000 words!).

As for song of the week, jeez I’ve written so much about Ron DeSantis, including that one time that the surviving members of Lynard Skynard wrote a fawning song for him (my favorite lyric? “You can take it to the bank he don't care what Brandon thinks at the White House.” Right on!). Is it a mistake to trot out this instant classic again? Perhaps! But was I going to waste an actually good song on this topic? Oh goodness no.

So enjoy. “Sweet Florida” by Van Zant. As Ron himself intoned funereally, upon being presented with a signed copy of the lyrics sheet… “Oh good. Oh good. Exciting.”