This made me cry. I remember when I did The O'Reilly Factor and my inbox filled up with fighting White men and I told the producer, who seemed like a decent person, and he (a White man) said, "Oh, we don't condone that," as if he had nothing to do with it. I think White men fight so often as if it's all a big ass chess game. When really it is our souls at stake. And their souls at stake. And winning is so much less meaningful than so many other things.
Also, this line really got me: "Even he couldn’t deny that our desire to fight comes from deep-seated resentment, less so of the other, than what the other reveals about ourselves."
Ughhhhh yes. The power and comfort that comes from the chess game is just so immense, and so addicting, because it temporarily quiets down the parts of us that know full well that our souls are at stake.
"White men fight ... as if it's all a big ass chess game" is the epitome of the "just asking questions" "why can't we have a civilized discussion?" rhetoric that drives me insane.
Thank you, Garrett. This is a necessary litany. Lately my mind has especially been on the kind of fight that arises from the feeling, I am about to not be loved. That paroxysm of fear at love’s possible loss, that deeper feeling of I never deserved the love I had in the first place.
Oh damnit that's so well put. It took me three drafts of this memoir to realize that feeling "that paroxysm of fear at love's possible loss, that deeper feeling of I never deserved the love I had in the first place" is at the core of every moment of disconnection and inhumanity in my life.
Just read Roxane Gay’s column today (go read it, folks) and this line feels particularly apt: “Public life shared with terrified and/or entitled and/or angry and/or disaffected men is untenable.“
Thank you for this. It's incredible. I'm so tired of the hate getting all of the attention and amplification—and pieces like this filled with truth and humility and a diagnosis that gets to the root of so much of our sickness in this country can be a map toward transformation, and liberation for white men...which will ultimately free us all.
White people lie, cheat, steal, and murder. On every scale from individual assaults to wars and genocide.
White people are greedy. The pirates code: "Take all you can; give nothing back."
White people are sneaky cowards. They get others to do their dirty work and to take the risks whenever possible. They use smears and public opinion to ruin opponents and competitors' reputations. They hide behind rules and regulations, and try to disqualify potential opponents without having to face them at all. They send lower castes and other people's children into danger, while profiting from the carnage. They spy on and undercut the governments of 'friends' and foes alike.
White people idolize wealth and power and those who get it, regardless how and often especially if accomplished through ruthless violence and the abuse of wealth and power. They create and spread a society and a climate in which these brutal qualities are not only extolled but expected and perhaps even needed to "get ahead".
I hadn't heard Carlson's comment--so deeply rooted in racist bias!--and it's so blatantly not true. White men absolutely DO jump people and outnumber them and brutally attack them. It's about as white-man as you can get, actually. Has he heard of lynching?
This is an absolutely wonderful and necessary and brilliant piece. Thank you for writing it.
This reminded me of when I watched "Broke Back Mountain" and went out into my car and cried for white men fighting themselves and anyone else who threatened their masculinity. Your writing touches me deeply.
In Ukraine/ Russia people fight and are killed. In israel/Palestine people fight and are killed. All over the world people fight and are killed. All over the world. No one learns from history.
This made me cry. I remember when I did The O'Reilly Factor and my inbox filled up with fighting White men and I told the producer, who seemed like a decent person, and he (a White man) said, "Oh, we don't condone that," as if he had nothing to do with it. I think White men fight so often as if it's all a big ass chess game. When really it is our souls at stake. And their souls at stake. And winning is so much less meaningful than so many other things.
Also, this line really got me: "Even he couldn’t deny that our desire to fight comes from deep-seated resentment, less so of the other, than what the other reveals about ourselves."
Ughhhhh yes. The power and comfort that comes from the chess game is just so immense, and so addicting, because it temporarily quiets down the parts of us that know full well that our souls are at stake.
"White men fight ... as if it's all a big ass chess game" is the epitome of the "just asking questions" "why can't we have a civilized discussion?" rhetoric that drives me insane.
Thank you, Garrett. This is a necessary litany. Lately my mind has especially been on the kind of fight that arises from the feeling, I am about to not be loved. That paroxysm of fear at love’s possible loss, that deeper feeling of I never deserved the love I had in the first place.
Oh damnit that's so well put. It took me three drafts of this memoir to realize that feeling "that paroxysm of fear at love's possible loss, that deeper feeling of I never deserved the love I had in the first place" is at the core of every moment of disconnection and inhumanity in my life.
Just read Roxane Gay’s column today (go read it, folks) and this line feels particularly apt: “Public life shared with terrified and/or entitled and/or angry and/or disaffected men is untenable.“
That line resonates. Haven't read her essay today but will check it out!
Thank you for this. It's incredible. I'm so tired of the hate getting all of the attention and amplification—and pieces like this filled with truth and humility and a diagnosis that gets to the root of so much of our sickness in this country can be a map toward transformation, and liberation for white men...which will ultimately free us all.
Our (White guys) inability to find liberation keeps all of us less safe and less free.
White men also fight when they feel “threatened” by someone yelling on a subway, clearly.
Yeah, that was heavy on my mind when I wrote this last night. I tried to reference it above, but likely too subtly to do it justice. Heartbreaking.
Beautiful column. Coincidentally, my pal Brian Copeland, who is a Black man, also wrote about this subject in his Substack today. https://briancopeland.substack.com/p/copelands-corner-may-4-2023
Thanks for sharing, Sue. I just read it and really enjoyed it.
You didn't answer the question, "how".
Again, history is clear.
White people lie, cheat, steal, and murder. On every scale from individual assaults to wars and genocide.
White people are greedy. The pirates code: "Take all you can; give nothing back."
White people are sneaky cowards. They get others to do their dirty work and to take the risks whenever possible. They use smears and public opinion to ruin opponents and competitors' reputations. They hide behind rules and regulations, and try to disqualify potential opponents without having to face them at all. They send lower castes and other people's children into danger, while profiting from the carnage. They spy on and undercut the governments of 'friends' and foes alike.
White people idolize wealth and power and those who get it, regardless how and often especially if accomplished through ruthless violence and the abuse of wealth and power. They create and spread a society and a climate in which these brutal qualities are not only extolled but expected and perhaps even needed to "get ahead".
I don't think the two of us disagree, but I appreciate you offering some additions that you feel my essay didn't cover. Thanks for reading!
I hadn't heard Carlson's comment--so deeply rooted in racist bias!--and it's so blatantly not true. White men absolutely DO jump people and outnumber them and brutally attack them. It's about as white-man as you can get, actually. Has he heard of lynching?
This is an absolutely wonderful and necessary and brilliant piece. Thank you for writing it.
Oh thanks Barb! And sorry that I was the one to make you aware of Tucker's comments lol
This reminded me of when I watched "Broke Back Mountain" and went out into my car and cried for white men fighting themselves and anyone else who threatened their masculinity. Your writing touches me deeply.
Yep, that one got some tears out of me as well
Feel your feelings everyone. If we allow them to exist, then they dissipate. It’ll stop a lot of our assholery and make us better people.
Great advice, Teresa!
In Ukraine/ Russia people fight and are killed. In israel/Palestine people fight and are killed. All over the world people fight and are killed. All over the world. No one learns from history.