This week my four children are at their dads. In the past two days, my 15-year-old daughter has messaged me with fear about asteroids hitting the earth, the ozone layer, a deadly bacteria thawing and infecting people, and most importantly she asked if we could move out of Iowa. Because of all the recent trans and LGBQT+ laws. She was 10 when she decided she was a lesbian. At that point I was a little impressed with the school because the associate principal called me in and wanted to be sure that during an incident in the cafeteria when she outed herself she wasn’t being made fun of or picked on. They had policies in place against that and took them very seriously. I’m guessing those policies will change. I’m also hindsight wondering if maybe they were making sure to out her to me? He seemed a bit surprised that I knew.
When I told my daughter that we are staying in Iowa until they all graduate (they have all been in the same school district for 99% of their schooling - it’s the most well funded one in the area, and when we moved to the next town over, I kept them there through open enrollment) she was very upset, and asked “why is switching schools a bad idea? If Iowa is doing this bullshit we should move.” So, I’m staying for my kids, but this one is begging me to move out of Iowa.
I also kept them in the school district because it’s a smaller community, and it somehow felt safer to me. On my oldest son’s second day of Jr High, a boy in his grade brought a gun to school in his backpack. He pulled it out during a class and aimed it at the teacher’s head point blank and pulled the trigger. Fortunately, he had forgotten to take the safety off and the teacher was able to wrestle the gun from him. Had he not forgotten to take the safety off... I almost pulled my kids to homeschool that day.
We have had a lot of conversations about diversity, inclusion, racism, politics, etc. And everything you say here about those conversations with your children is spot on accurate and resonates with me. Especially now that my kids are 17, 15, 13, and 11 - those conversations are so special and important to me. I can now start to see some of the things I did right!
Ooh, thanks for this, and especially for leaning into all the nuance and complexity (this line got me: "I’m staying for my kids, but this one is begging me to move out of Iowa."). Most of all, though, your kids sound really, really wonderful- wise and critical and full of care both for their and other's futures! I can definitely get caught in the "parent of younger kids" trap of just imagining the teenage years with fear, so I love, love, love hearing about rad teens who care.
This was such a beautiful and thoughtful piece, Garrett. Thank you for writing it. I went to harass my 17 year old last night for not yet being in bed and she burst into tears and said “I’ve just been reading about the Tennessee shooting, okay? I can’t go to sleep now.” 😮💨 And then we were able to talk, especially about how some are using the shooters gender identity to distort the facts and the response. It is amazing to watch them on their own political journey and it really does give me hope.
Last night our DART affiliate (called RISC) held our annual action with 1200 people and some of our city council members. We’ve been working on specific recommendations for affordable housing, mobile home repair/replacement and gun violence. It went well and I had a big role (I’m co-president this year and helped chair the meeting, negotiate with the public officials, and provided the summary/call to action at the end). My 12 and 17 year-olds were there and the best part was that they clearly saw a different side of their mom. The overall vibe was “whoa - that was cool.” I hope giving them these glimpses of people who care for one another and even for strangers can help them feel a little less hopeless and a little more empowered. What a privilege to do this work (and I mean parenting and organizing, esp when they overlap!).
I love both of these stories so much, Amy. That bedtime story with your 17 year old especially, it just made me realize that of course the thing we crave the most is a world without this pain, but IF we are to live in a world of pain, that one of the things we crave most is to be the person who the folks we love most are able to process that pain with.
So much here that resonates with how I try to parent and the ways in which kids- who are always looking, noticing- can help us both make sense of things and reduce the amount of internal conflict we live with when we fail to live up to our values.
But MORE IMPORTANTLY: this song is a treasured touchstone for my family. My husband's parents sang it to him and played to him as a child. We let my in-laws know we were expecting our first by gifting them a tiny potato ornament. Both my kids have been serenaded with this song. Just hearing the first few notes makes me a little weepy because they were and are SO SMALL, and indeed, the world is SO BIG and and and.
There is so much here! Wow.
This week my four children are at their dads. In the past two days, my 15-year-old daughter has messaged me with fear about asteroids hitting the earth, the ozone layer, a deadly bacteria thawing and infecting people, and most importantly she asked if we could move out of Iowa. Because of all the recent trans and LGBQT+ laws. She was 10 when she decided she was a lesbian. At that point I was a little impressed with the school because the associate principal called me in and wanted to be sure that during an incident in the cafeteria when she outed herself she wasn’t being made fun of or picked on. They had policies in place against that and took them very seriously. I’m guessing those policies will change. I’m also hindsight wondering if maybe they were making sure to out her to me? He seemed a bit surprised that I knew.
When I told my daughter that we are staying in Iowa until they all graduate (they have all been in the same school district for 99% of their schooling - it’s the most well funded one in the area, and when we moved to the next town over, I kept them there through open enrollment) she was very upset, and asked “why is switching schools a bad idea? If Iowa is doing this bullshit we should move.” So, I’m staying for my kids, but this one is begging me to move out of Iowa.
I also kept them in the school district because it’s a smaller community, and it somehow felt safer to me. On my oldest son’s second day of Jr High, a boy in his grade brought a gun to school in his backpack. He pulled it out during a class and aimed it at the teacher’s head point blank and pulled the trigger. Fortunately, he had forgotten to take the safety off and the teacher was able to wrestle the gun from him. Had he not forgotten to take the safety off... I almost pulled my kids to homeschool that day.
We have had a lot of conversations about diversity, inclusion, racism, politics, etc. And everything you say here about those conversations with your children is spot on accurate and resonates with me. Especially now that my kids are 17, 15, 13, and 11 - those conversations are so special and important to me. I can now start to see some of the things I did right!
This was such an excellent and thoughtful piece.
Ooh, thanks for this, and especially for leaning into all the nuance and complexity (this line got me: "I’m staying for my kids, but this one is begging me to move out of Iowa."). Most of all, though, your kids sound really, really wonderful- wise and critical and full of care both for their and other's futures! I can definitely get caught in the "parent of younger kids" trap of just imagining the teenage years with fear, so I love, love, love hearing about rad teens who care.
This was such a beautiful and thoughtful piece, Garrett. Thank you for writing it. I went to harass my 17 year old last night for not yet being in bed and she burst into tears and said “I’ve just been reading about the Tennessee shooting, okay? I can’t go to sleep now.” 😮💨 And then we were able to talk, especially about how some are using the shooters gender identity to distort the facts and the response. It is amazing to watch them on their own political journey and it really does give me hope.
Last night our DART affiliate (called RISC) held our annual action with 1200 people and some of our city council members. We’ve been working on specific recommendations for affordable housing, mobile home repair/replacement and gun violence. It went well and I had a big role (I’m co-president this year and helped chair the meeting, negotiate with the public officials, and provided the summary/call to action at the end). My 12 and 17 year-olds were there and the best part was that they clearly saw a different side of their mom. The overall vibe was “whoa - that was cool.” I hope giving them these glimpses of people who care for one another and even for strangers can help them feel a little less hopeless and a little more empowered. What a privilege to do this work (and I mean parenting and organizing, esp when they overlap!).
I love both of these stories so much, Amy. That bedtime story with your 17 year old especially, it just made me realize that of course the thing we crave the most is a world without this pain, but IF we are to live in a world of pain, that one of the things we crave most is to be the person who the folks we love most are able to process that pain with.
Yea and amen to that!!
Big supporter of treats before, during, and after the protest!
I am realizing now that I did not give enough respect to before/during protest snacks here
Thank you for listening and learning.
Oh and that song!!! 💗 Thanks for introducing it to me. So sad I didn’t know it to sing it to my babies!
Not gonna lie, it’s an absolute all-timer for walking a baby to sleep.
So much here that resonates with how I try to parent and the ways in which kids- who are always looking, noticing- can help us both make sense of things and reduce the amount of internal conflict we live with when we fail to live up to our values.
But MORE IMPORTANTLY: this song is a treasured touchstone for my family. My husband's parents sang it to him and played to him as a child. We let my in-laws know we were expecting our first by gifting them a tiny potato ornament. Both my kids have been serenaded with this song. Just hearing the first few notes makes me a little weepy because they were and are SO SMALL, and indeed, the world is SO BIG and and and.
You're a Little Potato family too!!!!
wrinkles on the bottom of your feet.... insert Pedro Pascal Last of Us heart attack meme.
the only problem with that line is that it immediately proceeds the high note that I can never hit