I am trying to just really pay attention to anything other than the news. Is that naive? Self-serving? Probably. I've voted and volunteered, and now I am just waiting, but I am not so awesome at waiting, so I went outside on my deck, where I expected everything to be retreating towards winter, and the marigolds are making one last, golden push. I'm going to cut some and bring them in. On a completely different note, I checked my email, and got the most ridiculous, flip, and poorly worded rejection letter. As I was reeling from that, not five minutes later, I received an incredibly kind and thoughtful rejection letter. Already this morning life has thrown me a big ole' surprise party of feelings. I hope everyone is ok to feel all their feelings.
I think that's really smart, actually. So far, any particularly successful distractions? Last night I watched the 2008 Kevin Costner vanity project Swing Vote, which I would categorize as a "not particularly helpful distraction" (you'll notice that this was not an essay analyzing the 2008 Kevin Costner vanity project Swing Vote, though the New Mexico landscapes are lovely).
HAHAHA. Garrett, you know I have an ironic/sincere/sincerely ironic text group called "Kevin Costner Fan Club," and the first texts I received this morning were from them. Because did we forget that KC endorsed Buttigieg? He is such an enigma while also extremely predictable. Thank you for the Swing Vote reminder.
I remember this text group of yours and I love it so much! At some point I will write an essay about the charmingly unclassifiable politics of Mr. Costner, bc it truly is not classifiable on a blue/red divide... my best description of it is a deep belief that what this country needs is a guy who knows how to stare into the middle distance and, you know, think things through.
I think it would be really interesting to read a piece about 21st-century political movies, like "Swing Vote," "In the Loop" and Jon Stewart's apparently-terrible "Irresistible."
Thank you for putting words to how I’m feeling. I appreciate your perspective, honesty, empathy, and the richness of your writing. Subscribing was an easy decision.
My heart ached when I saw a video yesterday of a Michigan Muslim group declaring they wouldn't vote for Harris because Biden didn't stop the war in Gaza. My heart aches for both sides, I wish the killing would stop. But Biden doesn't control Israel, whose leadership has made it very clear they will just buy their weapons somewhere else. And helping Trump get in makes me very afraid because he has already told Netanyahu "kill them all." I'm 64 and never have I had such fear during an election. I'm sorry if this is off topic Garrett but my fear is so oppressive and all I have to fight it is prayer. Why do humans have to hate and kill so much?
We have never in human history been so close to supplying all humans with a decent life but all this war making gets in the way.....
14 hrs ago·edited 14 hrs agoLiked by Garrett Bucks
Thank you, as always, Garrett, for writing basically the only thing I want to hear on a tough day. I have been dreading whatever the post-election narratives will be for MONTHS now, no matter how things play out. I do not want any smug takes about somebody was right all along or about how everyone is missing the big thing that this one person sees so clearly. Those takes are so exhausting and condescending, and I don't see how anything actually improves because of them. Nobody is clairvoyant! We're all just guessing out here! And we're all just trying to feel like we have more control in the world than we do, and feeling smarter than everyone else is one of the more popular ways to attempt that. But I'm not sure it actually helps.
I feel hopeful today, which is the opposite of how I felt yesterday and also feels like a mistake for a variety of reasons. But it's how I feel anyway, and that's just another thing I don't have as much control over as I'd like.
Thank you for naming that you've been feeling this dread as well. It was only recently that I named it as a distinct feeling from the other election anxiety I was feeling. Like I was viscerally pre-exhausted by ALL THE TAKES.
I am ignoring the media today, planning to listen to an audiobook romance with lots of hooks but a guaranteed happy ending, and being grateful for communities, however spread out geographically, who make me feel like I'm part of something kind and generous. This space is one of the best -- thank you, Garrett.
Thanks for this, Garrett. I voted early with lots of anxiety, as usual - Love the goopy heart. I have one too, but would like folks to think I'm handling all this terminal election season in a cool way. I feel like I'm supposed to be a pillar of strength - especially for my adult kids - since the eve of the 2016 election 2 of them called me in tears. I thought I had fortified myself -
But the pen they gave me at the poll site didn't work properly, as usual - they always have free crappy pens. I couldn't color in the circle. They give you no scrap paper in the voting booth either, to scribble until the ink comes. I almost lost it. I remembered the 2000 election. Hanging chads. I managed to grab a better pen from the next voting booth -- and voted harder, in black ink because we're supposed to vote harder with each election.
Today I'm fighting the urge to scoot over to our poll site and inform the poll workers that not all the pens work. That while they're sitting there helping people, they should also test out every single pen. I'll help with that.
What if an elderly person with a rollator doesn't have the strength to make a crappy pen make a nice clear dark circle? Their vote won't be counted.
This election has been such an ordeal for those of us who believe in equity and all the stuff our country needs. I won't trot back to the poll site - my kids would talk me out of it - I'd mortify them as usual -- I just hope everybody's pen works. And if the pens don't work - I hope the voters make noise and get pens that do work properly. Thanks for providing this space, Garrett.
First off, thank you for being the kind of mom who both mortifies their kids AND is the person they call when they need Election Day emotional support.
Re: pens... I am always so nervous that they won't work. And today (I just got back from the polling site) I was extra nervous because there were three grumpy GOP election observer guys at our site and though they looked tremendously bored their presence was successful in making me (even as a straight white cis guy) feel like any weird move would be questioned, so I was terrified that the pen wouldn't works and I'd have to walk back to the table and get a new one and they'd somehow flag me for, I don't know what... extra walking?
Fortunately, the pens did work and then I hung out with my kids' beloved gym teacher, who was in his office in the corner of the gym (the election observers don't know that he's a DACA recipient, nor do they know how much worse our community would be if he were not a part of it-- I'm not angry at them for not knowing that, but it does make me sad for them).
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who worries about pens not working, Garrett! & ….Extra walking 😂 - how bold of you !
Cheers to your coach friend & all Dreamers, gifting our country with their talents & dedication & personal resources.
Another & another & another reason to hold the line - protect our Democracy & nourish our democracy so Dreamers can contribute and realize their burning desire dreams & get the stability they so deserve.
I do feel lots of feelings today, but most of all I’m giddy. I love watching election coverage. I love snarkily making fun of the terrible takes. I love watching Steve Kornacki tell me he won’t feel comfortable until the Philadelphia 16th precinct comes back (or something similar). I love refreshing my local county results to look at the precinct data and compare turnouts and vote percentages to the last election. I love the weeks afterward when we get data on how the electorate or turnout has shifted.
This year all of that enthusiasm is tempered, however, by this feeling of…anger maybe? Because underlying one of my favorite nights of the year is this threat of violence and ugliness that I don’t want associated with the exercise of our freedoms.
Anyway, thanks for giving us a safe space to share, Garrett.
“All I’m suggesting is that if politics is merely a game of saying the correct thing, or feeling the correct thing, or avoiding saying or feeling the incorrect thing, then we miss the point that on the other side of everything that everybody is feeling around us— hope and confusion and rage and hurt and fear and isolation— is a clue about what we will need to demolish and what we need to build for the sake of all of our lives.
That’s my only real reminder, this Election Day. We don’t actually want to be cool. We don’t actually want to be right. The thing we’re seeking is collective efficacy. We want to keep others safe, and to be kept safe. We would like to be loved, and to learn what it takes to love others.”
Let’s get rid of our policing instincts and our tonsils! Love you.
1. If you do have access to the discord, the vibes are good in there today (the vibes are always good but today specifically people are sharing pictures of themselves with I Voted stickers and jeez that's nice (let me know if you don't know how to get access).
I am trying to just really pay attention to anything other than the news. Is that naive? Self-serving? Probably. I've voted and volunteered, and now I am just waiting, but I am not so awesome at waiting, so I went outside on my deck, where I expected everything to be retreating towards winter, and the marigolds are making one last, golden push. I'm going to cut some and bring them in. On a completely different note, I checked my email, and got the most ridiculous, flip, and poorly worded rejection letter. As I was reeling from that, not five minutes later, I received an incredibly kind and thoughtful rejection letter. Already this morning life has thrown me a big ole' surprise party of feelings. I hope everyone is ok to feel all their feelings.
I think that's really smart, actually. So far, any particularly successful distractions? Last night I watched the 2008 Kevin Costner vanity project Swing Vote, which I would categorize as a "not particularly helpful distraction" (you'll notice that this was not an essay analyzing the 2008 Kevin Costner vanity project Swing Vote, though the New Mexico landscapes are lovely).
HAHAHA. Garrett, you know I have an ironic/sincere/sincerely ironic text group called "Kevin Costner Fan Club," and the first texts I received this morning were from them. Because did we forget that KC endorsed Buttigieg? He is such an enigma while also extremely predictable. Thank you for the Swing Vote reminder.
I remember this text group of yours and I love it so much! At some point I will write an essay about the charmingly unclassifiable politics of Mr. Costner, bc it truly is not classifiable on a blue/red divide... my best description of it is a deep belief that what this country needs is a guy who knows how to stare into the middle distance and, you know, think things through.
I think it would be really interesting to read a piece about 21st-century political movies, like "Swing Vote," "In the Loop" and Jon Stewart's apparently-terrible "Irresistible."
Thank you for putting words to how I’m feeling. I appreciate your perspective, honesty, empathy, and the richness of your writing. Subscribing was an easy decision.
Appreciate you being here and honored to be sharing a feeling today1
My heart ached when I saw a video yesterday of a Michigan Muslim group declaring they wouldn't vote for Harris because Biden didn't stop the war in Gaza. My heart aches for both sides, I wish the killing would stop. But Biden doesn't control Israel, whose leadership has made it very clear they will just buy their weapons somewhere else. And helping Trump get in makes me very afraid because he has already told Netanyahu "kill them all." I'm 64 and never have I had such fear during an election. I'm sorry if this is off topic Garrett but my fear is so oppressive and all I have to fight it is prayer. Why do humans have to hate and kill so much?
We have never in human history been so close to supplying all humans with a decent life but all this war making gets in the way.....
Thank you, as always, Garrett, for writing basically the only thing I want to hear on a tough day. I have been dreading whatever the post-election narratives will be for MONTHS now, no matter how things play out. I do not want any smug takes about somebody was right all along or about how everyone is missing the big thing that this one person sees so clearly. Those takes are so exhausting and condescending, and I don't see how anything actually improves because of them. Nobody is clairvoyant! We're all just guessing out here! And we're all just trying to feel like we have more control in the world than we do, and feeling smarter than everyone else is one of the more popular ways to attempt that. But I'm not sure it actually helps.
I feel hopeful today, which is the opposite of how I felt yesterday and also feels like a mistake for a variety of reasons. But it's how I feel anyway, and that's just another thing I don't have as much control over as I'd like.
Thank you for naming that you've been feeling this dread as well. It was only recently that I named it as a distinct feeling from the other election anxiety I was feeling. Like I was viscerally pre-exhausted by ALL THE TAKES.
I am ignoring the media today, planning to listen to an audiobook romance with lots of hooks but a guaranteed happy ending, and being grateful for communities, however spread out geographically, who make me feel like I'm part of something kind and generous. This space is one of the best -- thank you, Garrett.
I know of no other details about this romance other than it has twists and turns and an eventual happy ending but I'm now officially very invested.
Thanks for this, Garrett. I voted early with lots of anxiety, as usual - Love the goopy heart. I have one too, but would like folks to think I'm handling all this terminal election season in a cool way. I feel like I'm supposed to be a pillar of strength - especially for my adult kids - since the eve of the 2016 election 2 of them called me in tears. I thought I had fortified myself -
But the pen they gave me at the poll site didn't work properly, as usual - they always have free crappy pens. I couldn't color in the circle. They give you no scrap paper in the voting booth either, to scribble until the ink comes. I almost lost it. I remembered the 2000 election. Hanging chads. I managed to grab a better pen from the next voting booth -- and voted harder, in black ink because we're supposed to vote harder with each election.
Today I'm fighting the urge to scoot over to our poll site and inform the poll workers that not all the pens work. That while they're sitting there helping people, they should also test out every single pen. I'll help with that.
What if an elderly person with a rollator doesn't have the strength to make a crappy pen make a nice clear dark circle? Their vote won't be counted.
This election has been such an ordeal for those of us who believe in equity and all the stuff our country needs. I won't trot back to the poll site - my kids would talk me out of it - I'd mortify them as usual -- I just hope everybody's pen works. And if the pens don't work - I hope the voters make noise and get pens that do work properly. Thanks for providing this space, Garrett.
First off, thank you for being the kind of mom who both mortifies their kids AND is the person they call when they need Election Day emotional support.
Re: pens... I am always so nervous that they won't work. And today (I just got back from the polling site) I was extra nervous because there were three grumpy GOP election observer guys at our site and though they looked tremendously bored their presence was successful in making me (even as a straight white cis guy) feel like any weird move would be questioned, so I was terrified that the pen wouldn't works and I'd have to walk back to the table and get a new one and they'd somehow flag me for, I don't know what... extra walking?
Fortunately, the pens did work and then I hung out with my kids' beloved gym teacher, who was in his office in the corner of the gym (the election observers don't know that he's a DACA recipient, nor do they know how much worse our community would be if he were not a part of it-- I'm not angry at them for not knowing that, but it does make me sad for them).
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who worries about pens not working, Garrett! & ….Extra walking 😂 - how bold of you !
Cheers to your coach friend & all Dreamers, gifting our country with their talents & dedication & personal resources.
Another & another & another reason to hold the line - protect our Democracy & nourish our democracy so Dreamers can contribute and realize their burning desire dreams & get the stability they so deserve.
Exactly what I am feeling today!
Appreciate you so much, Elizabeth! Loved your piece today (here it is for others who would also like to love it:
https://crammingfortheapocalypse.substack.com/p/go-touch-grass/comments )
Appreciate YOU!
I’m super weird and I know it.
I do feel lots of feelings today, but most of all I’m giddy. I love watching election coverage. I love snarkily making fun of the terrible takes. I love watching Steve Kornacki tell me he won’t feel comfortable until the Philadelphia 16th precinct comes back (or something similar). I love refreshing my local county results to look at the precinct data and compare turnouts and vote percentages to the last election. I love the weeks afterward when we get data on how the electorate or turnout has shifted.
This year all of that enthusiasm is tempered, however, by this feeling of…anger maybe? Because underlying one of my favorite nights of the year is this threat of violence and ugliness that I don’t want associated with the exercise of our freedoms.
Anyway, thanks for giving us a safe space to share, Garrett.
I love these two paragraphs very very much:
“All I’m suggesting is that if politics is merely a game of saying the correct thing, or feeling the correct thing, or avoiding saying or feeling the incorrect thing, then we miss the point that on the other side of everything that everybody is feeling around us— hope and confusion and rage and hurt and fear and isolation— is a clue about what we will need to demolish and what we need to build for the sake of all of our lives.
That’s my only real reminder, this Election Day. We don’t actually want to be cool. We don’t actually want to be right. The thing we’re seeking is collective efficacy. We want to keep others safe, and to be kept safe. We would like to be loved, and to learn what it takes to love others.”
Let’s get rid of our policing instincts and our tonsils! Love you.
It's a tonsilectomy and a policinginstinctectomy day! Love you back!
Thanks, Garrett. Reading this gave me a sense of relief I haven’t had in weeks. Sometimes we just need permission. 💜
Not sure if this is the case for you, but sometimes I'm not even aware of how tightly I'm clenching my teeth until after I start unclenching them.
Totally! My shoulders too.
There is so much to love, here. Thank you for this moment of clear-sightedness, and giving voice to what has been rattling around in me for a while
Love hearing that I'm not alone in some of these rattling around thoughts.
Two updates:
1. If you do have access to the discord, the vibes are good in there today (the vibes are always good but today specifically people are sharing pictures of themselves with I Voted stickers and jeez that's nice (let me know if you don't know how to get access).
2. Since this is a subscribers' only chat, I realized that I could re-up the sign up for our Mail Exchange-- sign up is open through Friday https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdw2rq4diJjTWPCbbhEMtVnfJe0oVzDD2aZk1tQFonyynvMsw/viewform?usp=sf_link