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Life happens even if you don’t want it to. We have families to tend to and chores to do. And yet each time I sit down to take a breath I am shattered anew by what is going on.

I am half Iranian. I was born there to an Iranian mother and an American father. What happens in the Middle East has always been close to my heart.

There is nothing I can do but mourn the unimaginable loss of innocent Israeli and Palestinian life that has and is about to take place. There is nothing I can do but pray for a just peace, one that is steeped in empathy for both peoples.

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So well put Sherlyn. Sending love to you, your families and everybody who holds the Middle East in their hearts.

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I live in a place, a physical place many call "Paradise", a place even more removed from this war, a place where Jews are rare and Palestinians unknown. It is easy for me to keep my head down, ignoring wars and suffering and the complexity of how we respond to distant events where thousands are losing their lives and where the cycle of trauma and the stories about the "other" are being perpetuated. Your writing and your choice to bring it back to the personal, to the experience we all have of losing loved ones, re-opened my heart to break again over the truth that so many live with constant threat to their lives and communities and cherished land.

My biggest takeaway, reinforced with reading your response to these comments, is that it is HUGE to speak and write, even if we get it wrong in otherʻs eyes, because no matter which words we choose they will be heard in different ways by different people and if we are open and can listen without defensiveness, that is really the only way we learn about our own unconscious biases and find compassion for the pain that shapeʻs anotherʻs world.

Your courage has given me courage to speak, to connect, to remember that how we create disruption for positive change is by showing up not by hiding, by owning our imperfections, and by being accountable.

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Oh thanks so much Beth. Looking forward to the results of you speaking and writing and sharing with the world as well!

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When I was in Munich this summer I stumbled upon an exhibit commemorating a Gestapo prison that used to be on that site and telling the stories of some Germans who were imprisoned there for their resistance to the Nazi regime. I was surprised to read the stories and then surprised I was surprised. And I thought, we are all much more varied than the government that purports to represent us, and realized that I shouldn’t conflate a government with its citizens. This is a long winded way of saying I agree with you — we need to hold onto our shared and varied humanity at a time when war wants to reduce us to slogans.

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Oh wow this is making me realize how much I’d love to really study the history of German resistance to Naziism. I realize how little I know about how the resistance organized, what drew people to it (in particular what drew Germans to it who weren’t Jewish or Communist or a member of a group clearly targeted by the Nazis), etc.

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Other then in france, where everybody seems to have been in the resistance, germans in germany dont talk much about Widerstand against hitler (i am a german myself and i think that is because we all know that nazism was only possible bc almost everyone just went along. That isnthe Focus of teaching about the third reich, to Reise awareness and prevent Sole sort of second coming of nazism (obviously that seems to be Failing. Germany is on track with many other countries to become much more right wing).) But there are some remarkable people who fought against hitler and died horrible deathsr: harro and libertas Schulze boyen, Dietrich Bonhoeffer and Georg Elser (who attempted to assasinate hitler in 1939!!!!). They were truly brave and their lives are Worte remembering.

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Really great historical context, thank you!

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Yes that was what surprised me — these were “ordinary” Germans

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Yes and it's frankly very worrisome and incomprehensible to me. US attitudes and behaviors are more legible, if that makes sense. There is a robust, vocal, committed tradition of peaceful resistance to autocracy and collective organization that I miss. I have to remember that democracy was imposed on Germany and its people, and the country in its current form is very young.

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Hi Garrett, thank you for daring to speak on what’s happening. A good start on the historical aspect would be Sophie Scholl (https://normandy-victory-museum.fr/en/sophie-scholl-and-the-white-rose-a-female-symbol-of-german-resistance/), especially in conjunction with the recent re-election of Aiwanger (https://www.dw.com/en/antisemitic-school-leaflet-returns-to-haunt-bavarian-leader/a-66639298).

State elections on Sunday made Bavaria 70% right-wing if you add up results across the many right wing parties. There’s a New York Times piece from 2017, I think, likening Söder as Bavaria’s Trump). Very few Germans know a Jewish person for real* (kind of like how indigenous people in Canada & the US are perceived or understood, as memory/history) and this has resulted in a culture today that understands all things Israel and Jewish from a theoretical rather than fellow-feeling way. In my opinion. I’m currently in Bavaria, near where Nürnberg rallies took place.

*There are so few and the majority don’t advertise this identity because antisemitism never went away. Supporting Israel is a standard unquestioned position but supporting Jews in Germany, well, e.g., https://www.dw.com/en/top-german-court-considers-removing-antisemitic-medieval-relief-from-church/a-61980920. After 3 yrs in Germany, as an American & Canadian, I’ve come to see a side here that I didn’t expect. Little details. In my area, police don’t wear ID or give their badge number if requested because they can’t be sure if ‘Antifa’ will hunt them down at home. DW.com is a good source for news & culture & history with context, e.g., https://p.dw.com/p/4XK1U

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These are such helpful resources, thank you!

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In case you're interested, I meant to add https://timeline.com/sophie-scholl-white-rose-guillotine-6b3901042c98 It's a remarkable story of courage. The new target for the Bavarian state are climate activists. Another shock about Germany for me is how how certain political elements also work hard to destroy anti-pollution/pro-health initiatives the EU puts forward. These elements are supported by much of the population 'because economy' but have deep roots in the decades leading to WW2. Hard to disentangle the discourse and why more 'average Germans' did not resist. The current enthonationalist right wing has a slogan that translates as 'Our money for our people' and they are polling well enough we could see an extreme right-wing govt in 2025 that they'll call 'centre-right' (the centre has been dragged to the right like in the US so that people can't parse how far right the norm is becoming). There is resistance but it seems to be disorganized, reactive, and in shock right now.

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Your last line sounds very familiar from a U.S. perspective!

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:) This expat is seeing my little corner of the German world from a very U.S. perspective! I've become known for casually pointing out to the locals (in the spirit of 'good trouble') that at times Germany reminds me of the worst impulses of the U.S., although many here paint the US as much worse in comparison. Until I bring up, e.g., private health insurance in Germany is allowed to discriminate based on pre-existing conditions, no longer the case in the US (or Canada), and the German govt collects taxes on behalf of the church (Merkel's party is the Christian Democratic Union) so how exactly is there separation of church and state (I was warned to decline stating a religious identity when registering with immigration here).

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DW is what I use for news on Russia and Ukraine. Thanks for highlighting these complexities. (When I lived in Austria, it was a human rights violation mumbled about that the police never wore any form of identification.)

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Yes, I was shocked. Germany is supposed to be a modern democracy that reckoned with its shoah legacy. When I point out the irony that the police are afraid of antifa, I don't make friends. Lack of transparency/kafkaesque bureaucracy/lawyer insurance are all weirdly and sadly considered the norm here. As for Jewish people outing themselves, I just learned that this is a hard no, for safety reasons long before current events. But DW can be good. German friends are surprised at what I learn about Germany through them.

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I can wet blanket a dinner in seconds by being too serious. By blurting out how all this death is the result of violence and greed and selfishness over generations. That we can’t seem to learn from our mistakes. That people are buried alive in rubble and suffering in hospitals or suffering elsewhere because the hospital is overflowing. That this should not be clickbait. And we murmur that the problem is structural or intractable or the fault of someone else. But underneath I think many of us are scared, less complacent. There’s so many record highs and floods and so much violence and hate. There’s fentanyl and drought and depleted aquifers and migrants and inflation and Russia. Our government is dysfunctional and our trust is shaken. And the weapons of war include hunger and thirst and no electricity for hospitals and executions of hostages. I guess it’s fortunate for others that I have no dinner invitations because i desperately need to have a honest conversation about how our separation by oceans does not mean we are separate. We are not the city on the hill, the beacon of humanity. This is about us, too.

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For what it's worth, I would love a dinner guest who cares so much about justice and humanity that they're willing to admit what's REALLY on their minds that often goes unsaid :).

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Please be careful about conflating Israel with the Jews. In the second sentence here you replace Israeli with Jewish: "The original author said something about how there will be peace for Israelis and Palestinians alike when the occupation is over. It focused more on Palestinian than Jewish grief, which felt appropriate given the anti-Palestinian saber-rattling I had heard from my President."

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Thanks for the note. I'll revise that sentence to highlight the distinction more.

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For what it's worth, that line spoke to me and felt accurate. You can't please all of us. As a liberal American Jew, non-Israeli, this conflict/war couldn't be more complex and more filled with grief. For me, it does feel like Jewish grief.

Meanwhile, there were other sentences in your piece that I think betray small biases and misunderstandings that stood out to me. But the point is this: I don't have the courage to write a piece like this. You did. It was beautiful and very needed. Thank you.

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Yeah, that was definitely what I was going for with that word choice, and so I'm glad it landed for you, but I totally understand the unintentional implication that KB noted.

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Oh and I should also say: you’re under no pressure here but of course I’d be down to hear about the elements here that betray potential biases and misunderstandings too. I’m sure there’s a lot for me to learn from there.

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Oh and sorry for replying to this part so much later- was reading from inbox and only now saw the second half of your comment.

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I formally quit Quakerism when I was 19 (birthright Quakers, at least in my Meeting, get a letter asking them if they want to continue their membership when they become adults), specifically because I am not a pacifist.

When I started going back to Meeting for a while in my 30s, I told someone this, and she told me about someone she'd known who was a Holocaust survivor, and who was a longtime Friend, but who firmly refused to also identify as a pacifist because of those experiences. I know that Quakers, or at least the hippie leftist Friends who are the only kind I've ever mixed with, aren't known for being especially doctrinaire, but I was still really grateful there was space for that nuance.

Thank you for sharing that story about Liz, with your Meeting and with us. 💜

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Likewise, as a pacifist Friend, I was recently really gratified by our Meeting's recent ability to have a really complicated conversation about war and fascism and resistance that had a ton of nuance and a variety of perspectives represented. Now, generally, I wouldn't recommend "join my Meeting's email listserv" because this might shock you, but as a people we don't always excel at email decorum, but that was an example where the community really shined.

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Hi, lee. I also am a birthright Friend. I also left Quakerism for a time when I was young because I couldn't say unequivocally that I was a pacifist and wasn't finding any folks in my monthly meeting at the time who could have a nuanced conversation with me about it. My mom famously said to me during that time, "Asha, there's a difference being a pacifist and being conflict-avoidant. Lots of modern Quakers call themselves pacifists but they're really just conflict avoidant." I carried that with me for years when I wasn't attending Meeting and then, when I went through my divorce, which felt like being dropped into a war out of the blue, I found myself back at Quaker Meeting. And it just so happened that the monthly meeting I found myself in then was full of folks who could have that nuanced conversation with me, who didn't shut me down or out because I have BIG QUESTIONS and BIG DOUBTS, who essentially said that apocryphal thing that George Fox said to William Penn about his sword, to wear it as long as I could. I call myself a pacifist now with some conviction, but still a lot of BIG DOUBTS. I no longer feel like that's a deal breaker.

Happy to be in company with you.

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Asha, thank you so much for these reflections, they're very beautiful and very helpful. I'm glad to know I'm in such good company.

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Thank you Garret for your courage in putting forth your deep perfectly imperfect and imperfectly perfect reflections at this painful time. As I finished reading tears came and my overarching response is one of compassion, grief and resolve to continue.

In solidarity with all beings,

May we find wisdom as we struggle, may we find spaciousness and balance in the midst of this pain.

fondly,

Darryl

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Thank you Darryl for being such a wonderful model of that compassion and drive to continue!

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Thank you for this, Garrett. This was the only piece I could read this morning. I'm deeply grateful for how you framed the uncertainty and your position in the world as a commentator. It's everything. (Let alone the fact that I grew up Quaker and that I knew Liz personally. I was crying by the end, and needed that.) Grateful for you.

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Oh jeez, thank you so much Satya. I was a swirl writing it, so was nervous about whether it would come out in a form that was useful for anybody else. As for Liz... you get it, I'm sure.

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I get it. You described her exactly.❤️

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Liz would have come back from the dead to let me have it if I described her as “bubbly and ebullient.”

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Beautiful.

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Thank you!

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This is thoughtfully and beautifully written, and a lot of it resonates. My one confusion is your connection between "insurrectionary violence" and the actual nature of the Hamas attacks - terror, rapes, kidnapping, torture, now with proof (that you might not have had at the time you wrote) of deliberate targeting of women and children. I struggle with all violence. But not all violence is the same, and conflating this terror and these atrocities with "resistance" or "freedom fighting"... feels hard. I can't accept it. That all civilians are deserving of such unspeakable acts in the name of... actually I'm not even sure what. Liberation? Or what Hamas actually states in its charter?

Did I misinterpret what you wrote? It's possible.

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Thanks for writing in and asking for clarification! To be clear: Yes, I absolutely condemn Hamas' atrocities this week. When I talk about insurrectionary violence and state violence separately, that's not to condone one and condemn the other, but to note the difference in scale (note: not just in this conflict, but in every conflict). As a pacifist, I condemn both insurrectionary violence and state violence as a means to political ends, and also believe that both nation states and efforts to topple nation states can be particularly heinous and cruel in their usage of violence.

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Oh Garrett, this is lovely, and pretty much the only thing I've been able to read about the situation. It's so terrible that I just can't even. And who knows? Maybe I'll even get over my Bozeman aversion to go check out the Quaker meeting over here ...

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Whoa, Charlotte! There's no greater compliment from you than "this would make me consider driving over the pass to Bozeman" lol.

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“I know that we all suffer from the myth that human life is defined by hierarchy and scarcity.”

Thank you for all of this!

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Oh thank you Mary!

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Thank you for this beautiful reflection that captures the contradictions and complexities of this moment. And that exchange at the end! May it be so.

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May it be so!

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Wow. Thank you. Still digesting your words, so no thoughtful reply here.

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❤️❤️

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Thank you Garrett. I wish I had your courage and conviction. I’m a work in progress, as are we all. I didn’t know it before, but I am not surprised that you identify as Quaker. Thank you for these words.

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“...as we all are” is right, Ted. And thank you. It means a lot that what I’ve learned from Quakerism may have come out in this space. It’s definitely shaped how I try to keep learning and growing.

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One of my dearest friends is a pacifist and was deeply impacted by the Quaker philosophy (if that’s the correct term to use). His sharing of Quaker writings and our long conversations about pacifism and violence have caused me to question everything I thought I knew about non-violence. As a 30 year military veteran who also grew up as a military dependent, and whose career has been associated with nuclear weapons, that impact has been profound.

Thank you again for giving me more ways to think about this.

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Thank YOU for being so open to different ways of seeing the world.

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One conflicted, concerned, Quaker pacifist waving to another. <3

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[Apologies for slow reply; I had a book deadline] but YES! Thank you, and thank you for your piece!

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