Wow this helped me sort through so much of my resentment from today!!! Also just a side note that it’s hilarious to me that giving Tuesday comes at the end once everyone has already spent all their money. Love capitalism!!!
Oh my goodness it is so bonkers. And every year only gets more bonkers. AND EVEN THE NON-PROFITS LOATHE IT! Every non-profit I've been a part of has this moment of clarity in like, September, where someone goes: "Wait, what if we...didn't do all of our fundraising in the winter this year?" and someone else goes "Yes! We could be an organization that fundraises in the springtime!" and everyone goes "Yes! The springtime!" and then twenty seconds pass as everyone imagines the warmth of the sun and someone inevitably whispers "...but...end of year giving....tax deductions..." and then the choice is made to get in on it anyway because there's money on the table. But is there?! And if there is, is it worth the attention and noise and general lack of deep relationship building? I dunno man. I hope it loses its grip on all of us eventually and we can all find our durable and bespoke ways to sustain actual communities of support in every season.
My favorite ever nonprofit solicitation email was the one that got a correction in my inbox a few minutes later that started with “Correction: A previous version of this email addressed everyone as ‘Sharon’. This was in error.”
In all honesty, if that nonprofit had doubled down and, from that point forward, addressed everybody as Sharon I would beg to know who they were so that I could set up a recurring donation.
Yesterday was the worst for me, because while I'm always making an effort to unsubscribe from marketing emails, my Gmail "promotions" tab was still bursting with "Cyber Monday" offers. WHY IS THIS STILL A THING?! For those of us who are ancient enough to remember the days of dial-up, Cyber Monday was supposedly the day when all the worker bees were back at their desks enjoying their company's high-speed internet and able to load the graphics-heavy images on retailers' websites. We should NOT have to suffer through both digital Black Friday (especially Black Friday offers which begin far earlier than the day after Thanksgiving) AND Cyber Monday!!!
I’ve been dwelling lately with the concept of the absence of nourishment, and how hard that is to account for amidst so much clamor. How not enough of the good things creates its own injury, as well as creates fragile conditions for when the bad things do happen. I feel you drawing our attention to the negativa, or something like that.
I sit in front of a lit computer all day most days, and while it's annoying, I find it really useful to delete tons of email unread. Those creative subject lines may as well all just say 'please delete! do not open!'
Consequently, my two main emails accounts have, most of the time, no junk and nothing unread, including in spam folders.
Of course, I'm not a public figure, and so I don't have strangers or parasocials reaching out to me all day. It's either people I actually know, or total stranger cold emails.
I think this is really smart behavior, and is also telling of what all this being pitched to all the time requires of us--just constant vigilance, especially at other people's cleverness. I wish I lived in a world where I could trust other people's attempts at cleverness because there was no sell behind them!
Also: I am jealous of the cleanliness of your inbox. Mine is better than you'd think, but not that good!
I’m glad you didn’t even give a side mention to the ALL-CAPS SCREAMERS. Because all of those deserve to go immediately into the junk folder. There needs to be a filter for this.
I totally agree but the junk mail we get is worse. I can delete emails easily but it seems I get new charity solicitations in the mail all the time. I’ve written to a couple to get off mailing lists but it’s like a wack a mole game: very hard!
I was looking for something amongst my old photos recently, and found a pic I took of all the mail I got from Mike Bloomberg back when he was running for president in 2020!! I'm pretty sure he dropped out before the California primary, but he sure did spend a lot here in the meantime.
My biggest annoyance is when I donate to a NP via their website and still get physical mail in the future - asking for my next donation. I used to write to them (email obvi) and remind them that the planet is burning and the physical mail they send is going in the trash - and they really should send emails instead.
One person told me it's too easy for people to ignore emails and delete them unopened. I couldn't help her understand wen do the same w physical mail - it just has other repercussions.
And then I remembered how siloed we all are and that it seems to be impossible to build a mission around one "cause" and also consider other issues ...
Oh man Garrett you've really targeted the lucrative "me" market with Propagandhi and kringles. I was already listening to the Weakerthans when I opened this and now I am full of sorrow that I am not within the Kringle Radius.
Well I've got some good news for you... I happen to know a Kringle company that would be VERY happy to ship it to you. Also, if you have not already checked out the "about" page of John K. Samson's website, I think you'll enjoy it.https://johnksamson.com/about
“the way our brains become trained to process all human contact as a threat to be navigated around” - as an elected official, I feel this. I feel my body tense with every inquiry from someone I don’t know and when someone I know has “something they want to talk about.” It’s like my lizard brain has learned this is a threat and I’ve only been on council for a year, but it’s been through a decade of increasingly polarizing interactions.
That was a really an aside though. This whole post says EVERYTHING I was thinking and as a marketer communicator, exactly what I know has happened on the other end of every Giving Tuesday email I’ve sent. Because I think for many NFP, the email is ALL they do on Giving Tuesday. There’s no comprehensive campaign. Just an email sent in hope it hooks some folks. We are also in a leadership race right now for the provincial Liberal leader so I get about 18 emails a day for that on top of the Black Friday/Cyber Monday/Giving Tuesday emails. Ugh. SMH
None of us (either the senders or recipients of the email) have the time/space/energy/freedom from precarity to admit "wait, so how would we actually love to be interacting with one another?"
Thank you for saying that. It's repulsive and disheartening how transactional every single thing has become, though I understand more than you know that there aren't many alternatives for writers and artists.
I recognize that all forms of asking for crowd-funding aren't victimless, and that they all add to the feeling of only having relationships mediated by money. I'll definitely use this opportunity to make clear to anybody reading this that it means so much to have everybody here, regardless of whether they ever pay (and although there are community features, like are weekly discussions, that are paywalled I will always comp, no questions asked, for folks who'd like to join in). A tricky balance, for sure, and I appreciate you naming it!
Thank you so much for saying that. I appreciate it enormously. It's also now the calculated inevitability of it that frustrates me — the slow drip of something good getting started, then it takes over the space, and then the transactional part gets louder and louder.
I find many email marketing tactics weird and always think of Kermit the Frog trying to sell soap. But I will take all the weird emails as long as they leave my phone alone (which they don’t, but I can dream. I have a landline (for accessibility reasons) and that makes it harder to avoid them.
Propagandhi and Kringles - you continue to speak my language, Garrett. Thank you for the pick-me-up this morning!
As someone who grew up in Racine and has opinions on kringle... now I need to know how you rank the bakeries of SE Wisconsin. O&H has a good marketing game, but please tell me they are not your #1.
Probably Larsen's first, but I feel like I don't have the best developed palette (Larsen's is the one I've had the most because it's available at my co-op in Milwaukee). I've never had Bendtsens. I also realize this may be racine slander but I've heard a lot of hype (maybe just marketing) about Uncle Mike's in Green Bay.
I also rate Larsen's highest. (Full transparency, it may be rated that way because I will never being able to disentangle memories of walking there and getting fresh baked goods with my mom as a child from the kringle itself.) Bendtsens is also pretty high on the list as well. I'm just glad you didn't say Racine Kringle as then we would've had to throw hands.
I haven't heard about Uncle Mike's... I'll have to correct that and let you know! I care more about quality than location, no worries there.
OK just spent some quality time ogling the sea salt caramel number over at the Uncle Mike's website. If the result of today's newsletter is that all the cookies on my browser hardcore microtarget me for Kringle sales, I will be incredibly happy.
Propagandhi!! I'd forgotten about them!! Thank you.
I love this article. So true. I delete without opening any email that looks like that unless it's from a charity. Can't afford to support them, but I read them anyway. Not sure why.
We have a "do not call" list here in the UK. You add your number, and no company, service or charity should call you. They're supposed to be fined if they do. It has worked fairly well for me, but a few scam calls still come in. Usually I just say, "No thank you" and hang up, but yesterday:
Him: Hello (me), we know that everyone is having a hard time financially at the moment. That's why we've developed our new investment vehicle for people who don't make huge salaries or get big bonuses. We're invested in equality, and think everyone should have the chance to grow their money in the markets....
(Scummy!)
Him: ...£1000 will get you...
Me:*bitter laughter* £1000? You have to be joking."
Him: (silence for a second) Well, as you're particularly disadvantaged, I'm authorised to offer you access to our Solidarity Fund.
(Extra-scummy!)
Him: For just £250, you...
(Extra-scummy)
I wanted to know how bad this really was, so let him continue. No risk, guaranteed increase on your money of 6% (I think), easy withdrawal whenever you need it. Sure... Most perfect investment ever. I like it bigly.
Me: Look, I know you probably really need this job, but you know this is a scam, right? It'll take the money of poor people and probably never give it back. It's a bit beyond the pale, mate.
Sitting in a waiting room, two minutes out from oral surgery, shaking with barely contained laughter! We needed this 😅
And here I am, replying from the second most cursed waiting room location (auto repair shop).
Wow this helped me sort through so much of my resentment from today!!! Also just a side note that it’s hilarious to me that giving Tuesday comes at the end once everyone has already spent all their money. Love capitalism!!!
GOOD POINT!!!!
Oh my goodness it is so bonkers. And every year only gets more bonkers. AND EVEN THE NON-PROFITS LOATHE IT! Every non-profit I've been a part of has this moment of clarity in like, September, where someone goes: "Wait, what if we...didn't do all of our fundraising in the winter this year?" and someone else goes "Yes! We could be an organization that fundraises in the springtime!" and everyone goes "Yes! The springtime!" and then twenty seconds pass as everyone imagines the warmth of the sun and someone inevitably whispers "...but...end of year giving....tax deductions..." and then the choice is made to get in on it anyway because there's money on the table. But is there?! And if there is, is it worth the attention and noise and general lack of deep relationship building? I dunno man. I hope it loses its grip on all of us eventually and we can all find our durable and bespoke ways to sustain actual communities of support in every season.
Everybody hates it! But the nonprofit world has so much built in scarcity to it that I totally understand the risk and fear of stepping away from it.
My favorite ever nonprofit solicitation email was the one that got a correction in my inbox a few minutes later that started with “Correction: A previous version of this email addressed everyone as ‘Sharon’. This was in error.”
In all honesty, if that nonprofit had doubled down and, from that point forward, addressed everybody as Sharon I would beg to know who they were so that I could set up a recurring donation.
Yesterday was the worst for me, because while I'm always making an effort to unsubscribe from marketing emails, my Gmail "promotions" tab was still bursting with "Cyber Monday" offers. WHY IS THIS STILL A THING?! For those of us who are ancient enough to remember the days of dial-up, Cyber Monday was supposedly the day when all the worker bees were back at their desks enjoying their company's high-speed internet and able to load the graphics-heavy images on retailers' websites. We should NOT have to suffer through both digital Black Friday (especially Black Friday offers which begin far earlier than the day after Thanksgiving) AND Cyber Monday!!!
Even though I did live through the dial up/desktop era, I actually had no idea about that origin of Cyber Monday.
I’ve been dwelling lately with the concept of the absence of nourishment, and how hard that is to account for amidst so much clamor. How not enough of the good things creates its own injury, as well as creates fragile conditions for when the bad things do happen. I feel you drawing our attention to the negativa, or something like that.
I think this is really, really well put.
I sit in front of a lit computer all day most days, and while it's annoying, I find it really useful to delete tons of email unread. Those creative subject lines may as well all just say 'please delete! do not open!'
Consequently, my two main emails accounts have, most of the time, no junk and nothing unread, including in spam folders.
Of course, I'm not a public figure, and so I don't have strangers or parasocials reaching out to me all day. It's either people I actually know, or total stranger cold emails.
I think this is really smart behavior, and is also telling of what all this being pitched to all the time requires of us--just constant vigilance, especially at other people's cleverness. I wish I lived in a world where I could trust other people's attempts at cleverness because there was no sell behind them!
Also: I am jealous of the cleanliness of your inbox. Mine is better than you'd think, but not that good!
I’m glad you didn’t even give a side mention to the ALL-CAPS SCREAMERS. Because all of those deserve to go immediately into the junk folder. There needs to be a filter for this.
REALLY BAD STUFF!
I totally agree but the junk mail we get is worse. I can delete emails easily but it seems I get new charity solicitations in the mail all the time. I’ve written to a couple to get off mailing lists but it’s like a wack a mole game: very hard!
Oh I should do some sort of companion piece about the physical mail at some point. Really bad and often incredibly manipulative.
I was looking for something amongst my old photos recently, and found a pic I took of all the mail I got from Mike Bloomberg back when he was running for president in 2020!! I'm pretty sure he dropped out before the California primary, but he sure did spend a lot here in the meantime.
My biggest annoyance is when I donate to a NP via their website and still get physical mail in the future - asking for my next donation. I used to write to them (email obvi) and remind them that the planet is burning and the physical mail they send is going in the trash - and they really should send emails instead.
One person told me it's too easy for people to ignore emails and delete them unopened. I couldn't help her understand wen do the same w physical mail - it just has other repercussions.
And then I remembered how siloed we all are and that it seems to be impossible to build a mission around one "cause" and also consider other issues ...
Oh man Garrett you've really targeted the lucrative "me" market with Propagandhi and kringles. I was already listening to the Weakerthans when I opened this and now I am full of sorrow that I am not within the Kringle Radius.
Well I've got some good news for you... I happen to know a Kringle company that would be VERY happy to ship it to you. Also, if you have not already checked out the "about" page of John K. Samson's website, I think you'll enjoy it.https://johnksamson.com/about
Wow, I hadn't even known the "K" was for Kringle!
There was a Kringle in the Trader Joe’s in suburban Philadelphia! The pastry and filling were delicious but I could have passed on the frosting.
“the way our brains become trained to process all human contact as a threat to be navigated around” - as an elected official, I feel this. I feel my body tense with every inquiry from someone I don’t know and when someone I know has “something they want to talk about.” It’s like my lizard brain has learned this is a threat and I’ve only been on council for a year, but it’s been through a decade of increasingly polarizing interactions.
That was a really an aside though. This whole post says EVERYTHING I was thinking and as a marketer communicator, exactly what I know has happened on the other end of every Giving Tuesday email I’ve sent. Because I think for many NFP, the email is ALL they do on Giving Tuesday. There’s no comprehensive campaign. Just an email sent in hope it hooks some folks. We are also in a leadership race right now for the provincial Liberal leader so I get about 18 emails a day for that on top of the Black Friday/Cyber Monday/Giving Tuesday emails. Ugh. SMH
None of us (either the senders or recipients of the email) have the time/space/energy/freedom from precarity to admit "wait, so how would we actually love to be interacting with one another?"
Fantastic column, but the Substack begs for money are as ingratiating and annoying as all the rest of them.
I am very aware! And I am legitimately sorry!
Thank you for saying that. It's repulsive and disheartening how transactional every single thing has become, though I understand more than you know that there aren't many alternatives for writers and artists.
I recognize that all forms of asking for crowd-funding aren't victimless, and that they all add to the feeling of only having relationships mediated by money. I'll definitely use this opportunity to make clear to anybody reading this that it means so much to have everybody here, regardless of whether they ever pay (and although there are community features, like are weekly discussions, that are paywalled I will always comp, no questions asked, for folks who'd like to join in). A tricky balance, for sure, and I appreciate you naming it!
Thank you so much for saying that. I appreciate it enormously. It's also now the calculated inevitability of it that frustrates me — the slow drip of something good getting started, then it takes over the space, and then the transactional part gets louder and louder.
Really well put.
I find many email marketing tactics weird and always think of Kermit the Frog trying to sell soap. But I will take all the weird emails as long as they leave my phone alone (which they don’t, but I can dream. I have a landline (for accessibility reasons) and that makes it harder to avoid them.
oh jeez the phone calls are terrible and getting worse
Propagandhi and Kringles - you continue to speak my language, Garrett. Thank you for the pick-me-up this morning!
As someone who grew up in Racine and has opinions on kringle... now I need to know how you rank the bakeries of SE Wisconsin. O&H has a good marketing game, but please tell me they are not your #1.
Probably Larsen's first, but I feel like I don't have the best developed palette (Larsen's is the one I've had the most because it's available at my co-op in Milwaukee). I've never had Bendtsens. I also realize this may be racine slander but I've heard a lot of hype (maybe just marketing) about Uncle Mike's in Green Bay.
I also rate Larsen's highest. (Full transparency, it may be rated that way because I will never being able to disentangle memories of walking there and getting fresh baked goods with my mom as a child from the kringle itself.) Bendtsens is also pretty high on the list as well. I'm just glad you didn't say Racine Kringle as then we would've had to throw hands.
I haven't heard about Uncle Mike's... I'll have to correct that and let you know! I care more about quality than location, no worries there.
OK just spent some quality time ogling the sea salt caramel number over at the Uncle Mike's website. If the result of today's newsletter is that all the cookies on my browser hardcore microtarget me for Kringle sales, I will be incredibly happy.
Thanks Garrett for the laughs! Just what I needed today!
Thanks Sybil!
Think of it as your own "giving Tuesday"--to me :)
"On the first day of Giving Tuesday, Garrett Bucks gave to me... a reasonably funny email about emails..."
Propagandhi!! I'd forgotten about them!! Thank you.
I love this article. So true. I delete without opening any email that looks like that unless it's from a charity. Can't afford to support them, but I read them anyway. Not sure why.
We have a "do not call" list here in the UK. You add your number, and no company, service or charity should call you. They're supposed to be fined if they do. It has worked fairly well for me, but a few scam calls still come in. Usually I just say, "No thank you" and hang up, but yesterday:
Him: Hello (me), we know that everyone is having a hard time financially at the moment. That's why we've developed our new investment vehicle for people who don't make huge salaries or get big bonuses. We're invested in equality, and think everyone should have the chance to grow their money in the markets....
(Scummy!)
Him: ...£1000 will get you...
Me:*bitter laughter* £1000? You have to be joking."
Him: (silence for a second) Well, as you're particularly disadvantaged, I'm authorised to offer you access to our Solidarity Fund.
(Extra-scummy!)
Him: For just £250, you...
(Extra-scummy)
I wanted to know how bad this really was, so let him continue. No risk, guaranteed increase on your money of 6% (I think), easy withdrawal whenever you need it. Sure... Most perfect investment ever. I like it bigly.
Me: Look, I know you probably really need this job, but you know this is a scam, right? It'll take the money of poor people and probably never give it back. It's a bit beyond the pale, mate.
Him: *silence* I know. Sorry. *click*
That long pause and then the "I know. Sorry." Wow!