Well, I'll say that, though I agree that *someone* needs to be paying more nuanced attention to all of this, it's not going to be me. So, kudos to you for giving one for the team, so to speak.
I've had a rough, complex week. My oldest was unexpectedly transported to the Neuromedicine ICU in Rochester with massive blood clots on his brain, which luckily were caught and treated before he experienced a brain bleed or a massive stroke. Pertinent to this conversation was how beautiful it was to watch the love and care passed between him (a trans man) and his girlfriend (a trans woman). Particularly, his gf's nurturance of him and me and my son's dad. Amazing what can happen when you understand that all of that bro-y bullshit isn't biology but choice, and you do not choose to show up in the world in that way. You don't have to be trans to understand this, but damn if it doesn't seem to help.
Otto is going to be fine, by the way. They're discharging him home today, thank all the powers that be and the excellent, multi-gendered care team at the hospital, who held us all so lovingly and competently.
I'm so glad that Otto is going to be fine, but also-- oh jeez that's so much for all of you. Holding your family-- you, Otto, his siblings, his girlfriend, his dad, etc.-- as you move from scary moments to recovery and care.
And also (to your "pertinent to this conversation..." point) that is so beautiful and true. Goodness!
Again, so much great analysis here. But this is the line that got me: "One thing that J.D. Vance and I have in common is that I too could never pull off a credible impression of a devil-may-care rager. “No seriously guys, you should have seen me back in the day.” We tell ourselves stories in order to bro."
Listen, as writers it's important to kill our darlings in editing, but sometimes it's also important to keep your darlings in and secretly hope that somebody else notices our darlings lol.
Not that it's the most important take-away from this column, but... “football fans don’t drink skinny cans”? I was going to say that I drink seltzer every day (generally Safeway's Soleil — only the finest store brands in this household!) and it's sold in regular cans, but then I looked up Happy Dad Seltzer (using all of Firefox's privacy protections to avoid ads for it following me around the web for the next 2 weeks) and it appears that it's hard seltzer, which is a beverage category I'm completely unfamiliar with. It makes sense that real bros would drink HARD seltzer!
Another thing real bros do: defund Meals on Wheels! Poor elderly people — who cares, right? I have delivered MoW in my city for 15+ years. My local MoW program is completely funded by donations, because the folks who founded it back in the 1970s wanted to have more flexibility in who they were able to serve, but I realize what a privilege it is to live in an affluent community that is able to afford it. I realize there are too many great causes competing for your donation dollars right now, but drop a few bucks to your own Meals on Wheels program if you can spare it. Not only does it provide people with a hot meal, but it can be a lifesaver, because the volunteer may be the only person some of the recipients see all day. If someone doesn't answer the door, there will be a welfare check.
Yes, Happy Dad is a hard seltzer, and my read is that advertising tagline is a direct insinuation that other top selling hard seltzers (which generally come in taller skinnier cans) are for girls and not boys who watch football.
As for Meals on Wheels, I'm livid right there with you. I'm also really grateful for you sharing the human impact that the OMB order will have on Meals on Wheels. Right before responding to this comment, I just created something for Instagram essentially arguing for the impact of doing exactly this-- naming for one another the specific way that Trump's order has on projects and services that matter to us and our communities (both to focus our protest energy and so that we can arrange networks of care and support).
In college, a friend unilaterally declared a “Mike’s hard lemonade amnesty” on the grounds that it was a truth universally acknowledged that heterosexual young men didn’t drink sweetened alcoholic beverages but he liked mikes hard lemonade.
So I just want to applaud the expansive view of heterosexual masculinity that the Necks have embraced in shilling for a hard seltzer.
The latest SNL episode did a skit where they trick bros into going to the doctor by telling them they're on a podcast.
Funny you should play Convoy. I was out in the car recently with one of my kids and saw lots more trucks than usual. I said, "Looks like we got us a convoy," laughing. I realized kid had no context, so I made him listen to the song.
We're not quite at the "there, there, let's get you to bed" phase -- they still humor me and hold my hand as we walk down memory lane. I told him that my older brother had a BC radio, and, at the time, I knew all the the terms they used in the song and how it was campy fun -- and it was one of those song we had to listen to over and over and over to learn all the words. I think he was amused, but I'm pretty sure he didn't add it to his playlist. 🤣
Perhaps not in the same recommemdations list but did you listen to Trevor Noah's What Now podcast with Robert Putnam? I think it was Christiana who said that rather than college education, the most likely indicator for young men voting for Trump was if they were unchurched. I was thinking about that this week as a kind of small-c definition of chruch - a place in your community where you gather with others to provide care and mutual aid. It feels as though the valorization of the rugged individual, the self-made man has been taken so far as to deny young men the opportunity to discover joy in just showing up for other people.
Well, I'll say that, though I agree that *someone* needs to be paying more nuanced attention to all of this, it's not going to be me. So, kudos to you for giving one for the team, so to speak.
I've had a rough, complex week. My oldest was unexpectedly transported to the Neuromedicine ICU in Rochester with massive blood clots on his brain, which luckily were caught and treated before he experienced a brain bleed or a massive stroke. Pertinent to this conversation was how beautiful it was to watch the love and care passed between him (a trans man) and his girlfriend (a trans woman). Particularly, his gf's nurturance of him and me and my son's dad. Amazing what can happen when you understand that all of that bro-y bullshit isn't biology but choice, and you do not choose to show up in the world in that way. You don't have to be trans to understand this, but damn if it doesn't seem to help.
Otto is going to be fine, by the way. They're discharging him home today, thank all the powers that be and the excellent, multi-gendered care team at the hospital, who held us all so lovingly and competently.
I'm so glad that Otto is going to be fine, but also-- oh jeez that's so much for all of you. Holding your family-- you, Otto, his siblings, his girlfriend, his dad, etc.-- as you move from scary moments to recovery and care.
And also (to your "pertinent to this conversation..." point) that is so beautiful and true. Goodness!
Glad Otto is OK!
Again, so much great analysis here. But this is the line that got me: "One thing that J.D. Vance and I have in common is that I too could never pull off a credible impression of a devil-may-care rager. “No seriously guys, you should have seen me back in the day.” We tell ourselves stories in order to bro."
Listen, as writers it's important to kill our darlings in editing, but sometimes it's also important to keep your darlings in and secretly hope that somebody else notices our darlings lol.
So pleased that I could be that for you 😂
I got you, bro. (said neither of us, ever.)
hahahahahahahahah
Not that it's the most important take-away from this column, but... “football fans don’t drink skinny cans”? I was going to say that I drink seltzer every day (generally Safeway's Soleil — only the finest store brands in this household!) and it's sold in regular cans, but then I looked up Happy Dad Seltzer (using all of Firefox's privacy protections to avoid ads for it following me around the web for the next 2 weeks) and it appears that it's hard seltzer, which is a beverage category I'm completely unfamiliar with. It makes sense that real bros would drink HARD seltzer!
Another thing real bros do: defund Meals on Wheels! Poor elderly people — who cares, right? I have delivered MoW in my city for 15+ years. My local MoW program is completely funded by donations, because the folks who founded it back in the 1970s wanted to have more flexibility in who they were able to serve, but I realize what a privilege it is to live in an affluent community that is able to afford it. I realize there are too many great causes competing for your donation dollars right now, but drop a few bucks to your own Meals on Wheels program if you can spare it. Not only does it provide people with a hot meal, but it can be a lifesaver, because the volunteer may be the only person some of the recipients see all day. If someone doesn't answer the door, there will be a welfare check.
Yes, Happy Dad is a hard seltzer, and my read is that advertising tagline is a direct insinuation that other top selling hard seltzers (which generally come in taller skinnier cans) are for girls and not boys who watch football.
As for Meals on Wheels, I'm livid right there with you. I'm also really grateful for you sharing the human impact that the OMB order will have on Meals on Wheels. Right before responding to this comment, I just created something for Instagram essentially arguing for the impact of doing exactly this-- naming for one another the specific way that Trump's order has on projects and services that matter to us and our communities (both to focus our protest energy and so that we can arrange networks of care and support).
In college, a friend unilaterally declared a “Mike’s hard lemonade amnesty” on the grounds that it was a truth universally acknowledged that heterosexual young men didn’t drink sweetened alcoholic beverages but he liked mikes hard lemonade.
So I just want to applaud the expansive view of heterosexual masculinity that the Necks have embraced in shilling for a hard seltzer.
It's important, as men and the fathers of boys, to celebrate male feminist icons like the Necks.
The latest SNL episode did a skit where they trick bros into going to the doctor by telling them they're on a podcast.
Funny you should play Convoy. I was out in the car recently with one of my kids and saw lots more trucks than usual. I said, "Looks like we got us a convoy," laughing. I realized kid had no context, so I made him listen to the song.
Shoot, I wish that I had watched that one before publishing! Sounds very applicable.
Also: WHAT DID YOUR KID THINK OF CONVOY???
We're not quite at the "there, there, let's get you to bed" phase -- they still humor me and hold my hand as we walk down memory lane. I told him that my older brother had a BC radio, and, at the time, I knew all the the terms they used in the song and how it was campy fun -- and it was one of those song we had to listen to over and over and over to learn all the words. I think he was amused, but I'm pretty sure he didn't add it to his playlist. 🤣
Perhaps not in the same recommemdations list but did you listen to Trevor Noah's What Now podcast with Robert Putnam? I think it was Christiana who said that rather than college education, the most likely indicator for young men voting for Trump was if they were unchurched. I was thinking about that this week as a kind of small-c definition of chruch - a place in your community where you gather with others to provide care and mutual aid. It feels as though the valorization of the rugged individual, the self-made man has been taken so far as to deny young men the opportunity to discover joy in just showing up for other people.
I haven't watched that interview but your last sentence there resonates with me deeply.
Oh what a week. Thoughts are with you and yours and all you are holding.
You, sir are such a good writer. I love the pictures you paint. You really need to be a speechwriter for a Dem superstar to be. Words for the ages.
That's very kind. I hope the theoretical Dem superstar is ready for lots of exclamation points