The fact that there's a conservatorship at all that needs to be contested and from which Oher needs court permission to cast off is pretty damning of the Touhy's - it DOESN'T function as an adoption at all, so what WAS the purpose of it? Pretty obvious in retrospect sadly, and shame on the judge that approved it.
For sure. I think it offers a pretty fascinating glimpse into the broader ways that courts/the child welfare system views/treats rich White families vs Black youth (esp Black youth who grow up in poverty).
Thanks, Garrett, for reminding me of the practice of humility required to dismantle the white supremacy always lurking in my subconscious. Also, appreciated the section on segregation academies. I live in Iowa and we passed a school voucher bill this year so families can send kids to private schools subsidized by taxes. I went to public schools in the 60's and early 70's in the suburbs of Chicago and they were essentially segregation academies that we publicly funded because of redlining and white flight, so I can't judge families making the same decisions that mine did. I live in the Des Moines school district, with 30k+ students, almost 75% qualify for financial assistance for lunch. Your article has reminded me of my vague semi-commitment to attend school board meetings. I've learned by attending city council meetings regularly that showing up matters. Time to get those school board meetings on my calendar!
100% to all this! I love the connections you made- both to the current attempt in a lot of states right now to expand vouchers and the ways that suburbs in most post-war metro areas functioned as their own segregation academies. And also- Ahhhhh I too keep telling myself I’m going to attend school board meetings!
School boards are so very important these days. Not just attending the boards, but finding good candidates and convincing them to run and supporting them both before and after the election.
Yes! And if anybody reading this wants to get involved in efforts to organize for school board races, SURJ (Showing Up For Racial Justice) is launching a national campaign as we speak. https://surj.org/allinforallstudents/
I've never seen the movie and didn't know the story, but, yech, I sure hope Michael Oher gets whatever peace, cash, vindication, etc., he can. I can't imagine how weird and psychically corrosive it would be not just to be made into someone's project, but also have your whole deal as a person publicly used to make other people feel good about themselves for bravely tolerating your existence.
I'm glad you decided to write about this, Garrett. I really appreciate how the essay refocuses our attention from the Tuohys and how bad they are (and they may turn out to be even worse than we thought) to us as the audience. I have never seen the movie, mostly because I don't generally enjoy sports movies or football, but I still see myself as part of the audience of the broader narrative.
One other thing that comes up in the comments here is the way that the Tuohys benefitted from the (apparently) false story about adoption that they were telling Oher and just about everyone else. The dominant positive narratives about adoption and adoptive parents in this country ensured that by appropriating the title of "adoptive parents" the Tuohys would gain additional benefits of the doubt beyond just being wealthy White people. This is an important and super-pervasive variation on White saviorism. Although I could have easily identified this narrative and offered a lengthy critique like many other White folks, I didn't fully understand how pervasive and deeply-rooted it was until I became the White adoptive parent of a Black daughter. It is exhaustingly ubiquitous, as you say, and utterly impossible to escape, even in the spaces where I least expect it (including myself).
Great insightful essay! Another aspect of the story is that by not legally adopting him, they don’t have to share their pre-existing wealth with Michael Oher. That might give insight into whether he was every really viewed as their son. I keep seeing variations of this theme played over and over, rich, predominantly white people, not willing to share enough to realize true justice and equality.
You know, until I read this comment I hadn't put it together but that does make for an interesting allegory for White people who say that they support Black Lives Matter but think that reparations is "too much" doesn't it?
You make a great point about adoption, Whiteness, and wealth. I also want to add that being an adoptive parent wouldn't have legally obligated the Tuohys to share any of their wealth with Oher. There are definitely adopted folks who are excluded from wills and even disinherited or disowned by their adoptive families. All the same, I think it's absolutely right that by appropriating the title of adoptive parents without actually adopting Oher, the Tuohys claimed for themselves all of the social benefits that accrue to adoptive parents in a society dominated by positive adoption narratives about "rescuing" children and the "good" people who do it.
These are all such good points (and I thought a lot about whether to play with some of this in the piece, but ended up leaning away as somebody who has adopted siblings but hasn't been an adoptee or an adoptive parent himself). Obviously, Michael Oher is angry that he was never actually adopted and that duplicity on the Tuohys part is maddening and that doesn't mean that, had he been legally adopted, that the power dynamics in a transracial adoption family wouldn't still be messed up. Really appreciate that point, and the broader zoom out to the cultural capital the Tuohys gained bc of the narratives around White adoptive parents. Yes, it's very clear they gained financially from this situation, but that's not the only thing they gained.
Although I took way too long to write it, I posted another comment about this before I read yours here. Lol. Anyhow, to respond specifically to your decision not to address the adoption piece more directly: I actually really appreciated that. There are lots of adopted folks talking about this case and I think your essay offers a different angle with many of the same goals.
What did your husband love about it? I think I'm always fascinated to learn, especially when I can't get out of my head what's harmful about a piece of pop culture, what emotional job its doing for the people who do love it.
The fact that there's a conservatorship at all that needs to be contested and from which Oher needs court permission to cast off is pretty damning of the Touhy's - it DOESN'T function as an adoption at all, so what WAS the purpose of it? Pretty obvious in retrospect sadly, and shame on the judge that approved it.
For sure. I think it offers a pretty fascinating glimpse into the broader ways that courts/the child welfare system views/treats rich White families vs Black youth (esp Black youth who grow up in poverty).
Thanks, Garrett, for reminding me of the practice of humility required to dismantle the white supremacy always lurking in my subconscious. Also, appreciated the section on segregation academies. I live in Iowa and we passed a school voucher bill this year so families can send kids to private schools subsidized by taxes. I went to public schools in the 60's and early 70's in the suburbs of Chicago and they were essentially segregation academies that we publicly funded because of redlining and white flight, so I can't judge families making the same decisions that mine did. I live in the Des Moines school district, with 30k+ students, almost 75% qualify for financial assistance for lunch. Your article has reminded me of my vague semi-commitment to attend school board meetings. I've learned by attending city council meetings regularly that showing up matters. Time to get those school board meetings on my calendar!
100% to all this! I love the connections you made- both to the current attempt in a lot of states right now to expand vouchers and the ways that suburbs in most post-war metro areas functioned as their own segregation academies. And also- Ahhhhh I too keep telling myself I’m going to attend school board meetings!
Current parents involved in their kids school are excepted from that duty!! Time for people like me to step up.
School boards are so very important these days. Not just attending the boards, but finding good candidates and convincing them to run and supporting them both before and after the election.
Yes! And if anybody reading this wants to get involved in efforts to organize for school board races, SURJ (Showing Up For Racial Justice) is launching a national campaign as we speak. https://surj.org/allinforallstudents/
I'll take that baton passing permission (as long as I pick up the baton when my kids are out of the house!)
I've never seen the movie and didn't know the story, but, yech, I sure hope Michael Oher gets whatever peace, cash, vindication, etc., he can. I can't imagine how weird and psychically corrosive it would be not just to be made into someone's project, but also have your whole deal as a person publicly used to make other people feel good about themselves for bravely tolerating your existence.
It's a particular variety of dehumanization that is just really hard for me to even imagine, for sure.
I'm glad you decided to write about this, Garrett. I really appreciate how the essay refocuses our attention from the Tuohys and how bad they are (and they may turn out to be even worse than we thought) to us as the audience. I have never seen the movie, mostly because I don't generally enjoy sports movies or football, but I still see myself as part of the audience of the broader narrative.
One other thing that comes up in the comments here is the way that the Tuohys benefitted from the (apparently) false story about adoption that they were telling Oher and just about everyone else. The dominant positive narratives about adoption and adoptive parents in this country ensured that by appropriating the title of "adoptive parents" the Tuohys would gain additional benefits of the doubt beyond just being wealthy White people. This is an important and super-pervasive variation on White saviorism. Although I could have easily identified this narrative and offered a lengthy critique like many other White folks, I didn't fully understand how pervasive and deeply-rooted it was until I became the White adoptive parent of a Black daughter. It is exhaustingly ubiquitous, as you say, and utterly impossible to escape, even in the spaces where I least expect it (including myself).
That last sentence!!!
Great insightful essay! Another aspect of the story is that by not legally adopting him, they don’t have to share their pre-existing wealth with Michael Oher. That might give insight into whether he was every really viewed as their son. I keep seeing variations of this theme played over and over, rich, predominantly white people, not willing to share enough to realize true justice and equality.
You know, until I read this comment I hadn't put it together but that does make for an interesting allegory for White people who say that they support Black Lives Matter but think that reparations is "too much" doesn't it?
You make a great point about adoption, Whiteness, and wealth. I also want to add that being an adoptive parent wouldn't have legally obligated the Tuohys to share any of their wealth with Oher. There are definitely adopted folks who are excluded from wills and even disinherited or disowned by their adoptive families. All the same, I think it's absolutely right that by appropriating the title of adoptive parents without actually adopting Oher, the Tuohys claimed for themselves all of the social benefits that accrue to adoptive parents in a society dominated by positive adoption narratives about "rescuing" children and the "good" people who do it.
These are all such good points (and I thought a lot about whether to play with some of this in the piece, but ended up leaning away as somebody who has adopted siblings but hasn't been an adoptee or an adoptive parent himself). Obviously, Michael Oher is angry that he was never actually adopted and that duplicity on the Tuohys part is maddening and that doesn't mean that, had he been legally adopted, that the power dynamics in a transracial adoption family wouldn't still be messed up. Really appreciate that point, and the broader zoom out to the cultural capital the Tuohys gained bc of the narratives around White adoptive parents. Yes, it's very clear they gained financially from this situation, but that's not the only thing they gained.
Although I took way too long to write it, I posted another comment about this before I read yours here. Lol. Anyhow, to respond specifically to your decision not to address the adoption piece more directly: I actually really appreciated that. There are lots of adopted folks talking about this case and I think your essay offers a different angle with many of the same goals.
I hated that movie so much. My husband loved it but it always seemed like wrong. I’m not surprised the truth is very different
What did your husband love about it? I think I'm always fascinated to learn, especially when I can't get out of my head what's harmful about a piece of pop culture, what emotional job its doing for the people who do love it.
Great essay Garrett!
oh thank you Mary!
Great essay as usual! I’ve truly come to look forward to your writing.
That means a ton, Lora.