Forgive me. I'm about to ramble for a moment. But I think part of why our movements, particularly on the Left (I can't speak for those on the Right, though maybe they fall prey to this. I have no idea.) veer into self-righteousness and purity politics is because we don't actually know how to grapple constructively with the reality of harm-- the harm we do to each other and the harm all of us commit at one time or another. We want to act as if there is some reality in which harm doesn't exist and if we keep weeding out all "those people" then someday we'll all be perfect and untroubled and righteous together. The irony isn't lost on me in the current moment that the best writing I've encountered on how we can deal constructively with harm in relationship and community was written by a Jewish rabbi based on the work of a 13th-century Jewish philosopher, Maimonides. It is Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg's incredible book, On Repentance and Repairs: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World. I highly recommend it.
Part of staying open to other people who may not align perfectly with you is wrestling (internally and together) with how to confront harm realistically, with an eye towards transformation. Until we can do that we'll keep shying away from the relationships, alliances, conversations, and confrontations that could actually change our world, instead choosing what keeps us comfortable.
This isn't a ramble at all! And I really appreciate you going deeper on the issue of reparations and repairing harm-- I do think that there's a risk in writing about community and interconnection (I'm definitely naming myself as being guilty here) is not wrestling deep enough with how to repair harm, both structurally and individually. I haven't read Rabbi Ruttenberg's book yet but will add a rec into the pile- adrienne maree brown's "we will not cancel us"
I've been meaning to read that one. I'll add it to my own pile. :)
I can't speak for other religious communities, but I know Quakers are particularly bad at honestly grappling with harm. We have no theological perspective on evil or sin or Hell. And I'm not advocating for any of that, but I do think it's indicative of an unwillingness or aversion to sit with the inevitability of darkness, in ourselves and others. And I have seen it in every activist community I've ever been in, this idea that all of the trouble is "out there" and not "in here." It causes us to ignore the real harm we do to each other within those communities and to close ourselves off to people who make us uncomfortable. Because we don't trust that our community can do the hard work of confronting harm if it happens.
It's so cliché to say we can't hold complexity, but it's true that we often can't. And we hobble our movements as a result.
I have friends as houseguests this week, one of whom is currently dealing with being canceled while all of us have lots of experience in activism, and we spent most of yesterday having this very same discussion about how uniquely terrible activist circles seem to be at responsibly handing the ways we harm each other. It's been a long frustration for me and a lot of my closest friends, and many of us still orbit the circles but don't often get involved like we used to.
I hate that I haven't been able to trust my community to do the hard work of confronting harm. And finding that space where I can still have community and solidarity and do work that feels important while surrounding myself with the people who are willing to hold each other accountable in love and growth has been a struggle. That circle is smaller than I want it to be.
I should add that the current campus protests are giving me so much hope. I was at the protest at IU Bloomington on Saturday when snipers and fully militarized state police destroyed the peaceful encampment, and stepped on necks and heads as if people were rag dolls. As terrifying as it was, the solidarity and conviction I saw, and how the crowd grew immensely as word got out, was so hopeful. It seems like administration was sufficiently put back in their place due to immense public pressure, and yesterday when I passed by, there were more people than ever in the encampment, with no police presence. All of those arrested have been released. There are hopeful successes.
That's so beautiful. I've been thinking so much about the students at IU specifically, given the snipers and the police response. That's so beautiful that it is now growing.
It's hard, hard work, holding love and accountability in the same hand. We're not trained for it, that's for sure. Sometimes I think there's a maximum size of community that can do it together reliably, and it's much smaller than I imagined when I was younger, which makes me wistful. But I appreciated the way that Ruttenberg talked about confronting harm at many different scales of connection, from interpersonally to societally. The framework she advocates does seem to scale well, potentially. But I've never seen it in action.
That's so, so hard, and sending love to your friend. Why do you think that the work of accountability and reconciliation (rather than separation and isolation) is so hard in activist spaces?
My experience is primarily around punk counterculture. I love that punk can embrace anger and turn it into action and it can be a haven for the freaks and weirdos, but then erratic behavior and a tendency toward anger can mean that things escalate very quickly. I think it's true of a lot of human behavior that we're not always good at nuance and are quick to go with what a group says out of the tribalist need for acceptance, and that is how those things manifest in these kinds of spaces. It's just easier to hate someone you think you can safely assume is wrong than take the time to examine things further and maybe accept that you were wrong about a situation or person. It takes so much work to cultivate spaces that are truly more thoughtful and loving than what most of us are used to observing.
At the risk of going on too long, I also just want to add a thought on ends and means. There is the whole "by any means necessary" which I get when it comes to rights and the recognition of humanity of certain groups, but especially in community and specific interpersonal groups, I think the means are the end. How we treat people always matters, and if we want that kind of world, no better place to practice than with those around us.
Sorry I'm a couple days late in responding to this but this SUPER resonates, especially these lines, which are gorgeous:
"...but especially in community and specific interpersonal groups, I think the means are the end. How we treat people always matters, and if we want that kind of world, no better place to practice than with those around us."
Just wanted to say I loved this piece, and I think it's exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thanks, Garrett! I also cannot stop thinking about the parallels to the 1960s re: "our current times," even before this wave of protests but especially after. It is my Roman Empire, you could say! Even though a lot of the dreams of the '60s did not come true, I think that analyzing what did and do not work is so valuable in this moment.
We are one species, one family. The ruling class keeps us fighting amongst ourselves because when we finally unite, they will lose. Hence, the thugs, er cops, being called. We outnumber them by literally billions yet they're winning. Divide and conquer works.
Exactly. We have the tools with social media to build a global resistance. The way to beat them is to stop playing their 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬. We win by spreading 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, kindness and supporting communities. The Black Panthers are one of the best 𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭.
Thank you for this piece , Garrett! It is so refreshing to read balanced words that are understanding of the fears and pain of both Jews and Palestinians in this horrific conflict. I agree that there are good reasons for some people to not feel comfortable joining the public protests, especially when the rhetoric of both sides becomes violent. I have personal experience with some of these reasons. I also agree that it boils down to talking to individuals and focusing on relationships.
So glad it resonated Sarah. It's obviously so important for individuals to lovingly but critically examine what keeps them from certain movement spaces, but for me that's not incompatible with movements also being curious and open to what would bring more people in, and I completely agree that a commitment to a depth of relationship building aids on both counts.
Forgive me. I'm about to ramble for a moment. But I think part of why our movements, particularly on the Left (I can't speak for those on the Right, though maybe they fall prey to this. I have no idea.) veer into self-righteousness and purity politics is because we don't actually know how to grapple constructively with the reality of harm-- the harm we do to each other and the harm all of us commit at one time or another. We want to act as if there is some reality in which harm doesn't exist and if we keep weeding out all "those people" then someday we'll all be perfect and untroubled and righteous together. The irony isn't lost on me in the current moment that the best writing I've encountered on how we can deal constructively with harm in relationship and community was written by a Jewish rabbi based on the work of a 13th-century Jewish philosopher, Maimonides. It is Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg's incredible book, On Repentance and Repairs: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World. I highly recommend it.
https://bookshop.org/p/books/on-repentance-and-repair-making-amends-in-an-unapologetic-world-danya-ruttenberg/17845057
Part of staying open to other people who may not align perfectly with you is wrestling (internally and together) with how to confront harm realistically, with an eye towards transformation. Until we can do that we'll keep shying away from the relationships, alliances, conversations, and confrontations that could actually change our world, instead choosing what keeps us comfortable.
This isn't a ramble at all! And I really appreciate you going deeper on the issue of reparations and repairing harm-- I do think that there's a risk in writing about community and interconnection (I'm definitely naming myself as being guilty here) is not wrestling deep enough with how to repair harm, both structurally and individually. I haven't read Rabbi Ruttenberg's book yet but will add a rec into the pile- adrienne maree brown's "we will not cancel us"
I've been meaning to read that one. I'll add it to my own pile. :)
I can't speak for other religious communities, but I know Quakers are particularly bad at honestly grappling with harm. We have no theological perspective on evil or sin or Hell. And I'm not advocating for any of that, but I do think it's indicative of an unwillingness or aversion to sit with the inevitability of darkness, in ourselves and others. And I have seen it in every activist community I've ever been in, this idea that all of the trouble is "out there" and not "in here." It causes us to ignore the real harm we do to each other within those communities and to close ourselves off to people who make us uncomfortable. Because we don't trust that our community can do the hard work of confronting harm if it happens.
It's so cliché to say we can't hold complexity, but it's true that we often can't. And we hobble our movements as a result.
I have friends as houseguests this week, one of whom is currently dealing with being canceled while all of us have lots of experience in activism, and we spent most of yesterday having this very same discussion about how uniquely terrible activist circles seem to be at responsibly handing the ways we harm each other. It's been a long frustration for me and a lot of my closest friends, and many of us still orbit the circles but don't often get involved like we used to.
I hate that I haven't been able to trust my community to do the hard work of confronting harm. And finding that space where I can still have community and solidarity and do work that feels important while surrounding myself with the people who are willing to hold each other accountable in love and growth has been a struggle. That circle is smaller than I want it to be.
Thank you both for the book recommendations. :)
I should add that the current campus protests are giving me so much hope. I was at the protest at IU Bloomington on Saturday when snipers and fully militarized state police destroyed the peaceful encampment, and stepped on necks and heads as if people were rag dolls. As terrifying as it was, the solidarity and conviction I saw, and how the crowd grew immensely as word got out, was so hopeful. It seems like administration was sufficiently put back in their place due to immense public pressure, and yesterday when I passed by, there were more people than ever in the encampment, with no police presence. All of those arrested have been released. There are hopeful successes.
That's so beautiful. I've been thinking so much about the students at IU specifically, given the snipers and the police response. That's so beautiful that it is now growing.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. :(
It's hard, hard work, holding love and accountability in the same hand. We're not trained for it, that's for sure. Sometimes I think there's a maximum size of community that can do it together reliably, and it's much smaller than I imagined when I was younger, which makes me wistful. But I appreciated the way that Ruttenberg talked about confronting harm at many different scales of connection, from interpersonally to societally. The framework she advocates does seem to scale well, potentially. But I've never seen it in action.
That's so, so hard, and sending love to your friend. Why do you think that the work of accountability and reconciliation (rather than separation and isolation) is so hard in activist spaces?
My experience is primarily around punk counterculture. I love that punk can embrace anger and turn it into action and it can be a haven for the freaks and weirdos, but then erratic behavior and a tendency toward anger can mean that things escalate very quickly. I think it's true of a lot of human behavior that we're not always good at nuance and are quick to go with what a group says out of the tribalist need for acceptance, and that is how those things manifest in these kinds of spaces. It's just easier to hate someone you think you can safely assume is wrong than take the time to examine things further and maybe accept that you were wrong about a situation or person. It takes so much work to cultivate spaces that are truly more thoughtful and loving than what most of us are used to observing.
At the risk of going on too long, I also just want to add a thought on ends and means. There is the whole "by any means necessary" which I get when it comes to rights and the recognition of humanity of certain groups, but especially in community and specific interpersonal groups, I think the means are the end. How we treat people always matters, and if we want that kind of world, no better place to practice than with those around us.
Sorry I'm a couple days late in responding to this but this SUPER resonates, especially these lines, which are gorgeous:
"...but especially in community and specific interpersonal groups, I think the means are the end. How we treat people always matters, and if we want that kind of world, no better place to practice than with those around us."
Just wanted to say I loved this piece, and I think it's exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thanks, Garrett! I also cannot stop thinking about the parallels to the 1960s re: "our current times," even before this wave of protests but especially after. It is my Roman Empire, you could say! Even though a lot of the dreams of the '60s did not come true, I think that analyzing what did and do not work is so valuable in this moment.
You and me both, Gretchen! The Democratic Convention is even in Chicago this summer!
A real shame MC5 won't be there this time, if you ask me, haha.
A little old to be kicking out jams!
Exactly 👏👏👏
We are one species, one family. The ruling class keeps us fighting amongst ourselves because when we finally unite, they will lose. Hence, the thugs, er cops, being called. We outnumber them by literally billions yet they're winning. Divide and conquer works.
Thanks for naming the divide and conquer strategy-- the number one way to fight it is through expansive organizing, always.
Exactly. We have the tools with social media to build a global resistance. The way to beat them is to stop playing their 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬. We win by spreading 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, kindness and supporting communities. The Black Panthers are one of the best 𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭.
𝐏𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩eople💪
𝐕𝐢𝐯𝐚 𝐥𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 💕
Thank you for this piece , Garrett! It is so refreshing to read balanced words that are understanding of the fears and pain of both Jews and Palestinians in this horrific conflict. I agree that there are good reasons for some people to not feel comfortable joining the public protests, especially when the rhetoric of both sides becomes violent. I have personal experience with some of these reasons. I also agree that it boils down to talking to individuals and focusing on relationships.
So glad it resonated Sarah. It's obviously so important for individuals to lovingly but critically examine what keeps them from certain movement spaces, but for me that's not incompatible with movements also being curious and open to what would bring more people in, and I completely agree that a commitment to a depth of relationship building aids on both counts.